Family

So my 2nd daughter was bemoaning the fact that she doesn't look like the rest of the family...she does but she does have features that remind me of.....this morning it came to me. She looks like my Grandmother Rosetta Byrumn Boyce. She has the nose and the tiny frame...it is interesting that people we have no knowledge of can affect us in ways that are so beautiful. My Grandmother had 8 children 5 girls and 3 boys. She was a gentle soul and I really never knew her beyond the great soft biscuits and dumplings she made. I slept with her on her twin bed when we visited . I was little and so was she. I never felt her in the bed with me. She came after I was asleep and she was up early...so was I but never before her. She was a wonderful woman and my aunts were fun women who loved their mother and took care of her. She lived in the home my Daddy built for him and my mother when they were first married and then paid on and paid the bills for the rest of her life. She passed when I was 18 and it was a sad thing that I did not go to her funeral but life had to be lived my senior year...she only came to visit us once when we lived in Rome New York. We took her to see Niagara Falls and her comment was "that could grind allot of cornmeal" That was the only time in her life she left her small world.

Dinner with the girls

Last night I enjoyed a lovely dinner with the women from High School. One of the women has a lovely home in Blue Springs and we enjoyed her dinner and then a trip to see the progress on the old home they are restoring. It looks so much like our home in SD. I was surprised at how much alike they were. I miss that house so much. It was my dream home. I still dream about it today. I don't really miss how much work it would be to keep it up now but I do miss the house and its beauty. That is what is calling me to one of those homes in Lawrence, old home, still in Kansas for school for Noah and did I mention old home?

A Year in transition

It is almost a year since we have moved and finally today we brought home some furniture that will make the rest of the boxes melt away. It always takes about a year to settle into a new place. If it is shorter than that you feel like you are just on a long vacation. I know I will not want to live here more that 2 more years when Caleb is finished High School but I also know I do not want to move again after that. I want a place where we can stay put. I do like living in new places. I like all the variety that new places bring but I am very tired of the work it takes to make a place a home. I think I can use that energy in other ways and I want to do that rather than keep on finding pieces that fit a new house so you can feel settled. Time to do other things like study and get my masters in something... need to work on that too.
Downsizing in every way, children, stuff, house, cars, food, that is what we are doing. It will be interesting after this summer with only 2 home...now is the time to travel. I do so want to go places and do things that are different. Carl's brother and his wife are on a cruise this Christmas. That would be so fun. Different not cooking and buying but resting and relaxing. That would be a vacation. Will have to look for ways to do this. Fun!

Bread

Be gentle when you touch bread
Let it not lie uncared for--unwanted
So often bread is taken for granted
There is so much beauty in bread
Beauty of sun and soil, beauty of honest toil
Winds and rain have caressed it,
Christ often blessed it
Be gentle when you touch bread.
I have 20 loaves of bread sitting on the counter cooling. I have been making bread for 23 years. It is a joy I have to give this to others. Nobody bakes anymore and it really cheers people up to do this for them. Noah has so many people who take care of him and make it possible for me to do other things besides care take and I love to give them bread. Christmas is a time I can do that will ease and I am so glad I can this year.
Today I gave the new principal I will work under while I sub in music a loaf and the teacher I will replace. She is doing well and may come back after Christmas. I hope she does for a few weeks. I really will miss my study and the women I study with. One of the woman's mother passed last night. We will cook and bake for her and then serve at her home afterwords. I will enjoy serving alongside my girls. I am glad Catherine is coming home she will be a big help. Ruth will enjoy this also. It is not a sad going. She lived a long life 91 and was very ill and Nan took such good care of her. She will be missed and I sure hope that will be true of me when the Lord calls me home.

It's late

 I am writing stories, stories about me life and finding allot of joy in the memories. I have had a good life. There have been terrible sorrows, things that have broken me and things that have torn me but things that have shaped me too. Made me who I am because of, it is not either/ or as my friend Peggy says but both/ and a 2 column life as my friend Chaz says. The memories are great. There are things I really have forgotten and at the time I thought who could forget this. I am so glad we have pictures. They are a real joy in memory helps. Today Anna, Peggy and I went to a paper store as Peggy and Anna are creating works of joy for their children. Scrapbooks of life. Not fancy pages but memories and pictures. I will do that too. It will take such time but I started with my sister on her 60th and we will continue. It may not be finished but it will be started.  These stories are a part of this gift to my children. I know later in life they will really be glad for them. I am already.

Weaving

The first time I saw a loom was in a store in Harvard Square. It filled the loft room and the room was flooded with fall light from floor to ceiling windows. It has been a dream of mine just like the dulcimer was.  Today I began the weaving part of my life. It was just like I thought wonderful. The setting up can be tedious but if you just enjoy the process it has a real calming effect. Then the weaving part is just a matter of tension and rhythm. It will be easier with music but today it was wonderful. Ruth and I had so much fun and then after she went to a toy store and I a material shop. Then we ate at a wonderful Greek restaurant in Lawrence.It is such a nice college town. Real shops and people milling about, stores and galleries. It is a place one could enjoy living in.  Old house  filled with quilts and weavings. I am beginning to get a vision here.

A Bushel and a Peck

Noah knows so much more than I can tell sometimes. Last night we watched Julie,Julia and in it they play the song A Bushel and a Peck and he just started to jump and sing with it. Now I only sing that song to him. As far as I know he has not heard it sung by anyone else except family. How wonderful it made me feel. Tonight we watched The Muppet's Christmas Carol and again it is a favorite of his. When he was ready and in the bed he just hugged me and hugged me. He was so happy to have watched his movie with others. I am glad I took the time to sit with him. What better could I have been doing?

A new way

 I read, I used to think I just read some but now I know I read allot. I so enjoy reading and sitting that I have to make myself exercise or the new Craig's list overstuffed chair and I will soon look alike ( eating cookies and cake are involved in reading) but I am so glad I took the time to do all this reading all my life as I am using it now in my second career. I can also remember it which is unusual as a woman stopped by with a friend of mine to spend the night on their way and she told me she came to my house and helped with a tea I gave. I have no remembrance of the tea. I am quite concerned that I can't remember a party I have given let alone a person who assisted me. YIKES!
Yesterday I gave a workshop for a group of preschool teachers. It was soooooo much fun. They liked me, They liked the presentation and a woman asked me to come to Topeka and give a talk this summer. I am enjoying this so much. " She has so much to say and is so willing to share it" That is what my Kindergarten teacher said and she was so right and now I have lived long enough to say and share it! YEA and  get paid!!! That is a big bonus!!!!
People are asking me about what I did before....I have already told them I am almost at the end of raising 8 children....and homeschooling them what do they think I was doing????  People ask strange questions... they don't think before they ask. Maybe they are just trying to engage me but that is not a good way. I consider what I did in the first part of my life my best work. The kids are doing so well. Each is doing what they love and that is the best part. I will just now be going out of the house to do what I like but what I love was being home and reading to my kids it was the best time ever and I miss it sooooo much.

New Friends

Kate Braestrup was interviewed on NPR this weekend. She has written a book I intend to  read  Here if You Need Me
I was so impressed with what she had to say about caring. The end of the story is known...I often read the end of the book so I can enjoy the whole book, suspense isn't what I like in like so if I know the ending is good I can enter into the story and breath without skipping parts or fast forwarding as my kids tease me about. ( I have been known to fast forward parts like lions tearing people apart in order to enjoy a movie)  So we know the ending we can walk easier in life and the part that makes it easier is those who walk with us.
I enjoyed having lunch with most of my girls this weekend. It is not often that we get to be together but I try 1 time a year to take them out and listen to them. I like to guide conversation but my grandson was with us and it was fun to just let them talk and for me to listen. They are part of my group that walk with me in life and it is really nice to have people you know so well be the ones to join you on the journey. 
Yesterday I gave a lunch with some of my favorite people who have encouraged me this past year. It involved women from their early 30's to their 70's, bus drivers to women going to school in their late 60's. These women inspire me so much and they like to cook and eat which is a must for friendship with me. What a blessing to me to have these women surround me like this. It was really fun as I had 3 of my 4 lifetime women who live in other places just call yesterday.It was a day full of friendship. That is the part of life I like the most.
So now Kate is a new friend of mine. I like to have friends of people who don't even know I exist. Some of the best of my friends who have influenced my life are dead friends, writers can be very close to people and never know it. Elizabeth Goudge is my best friend now. I am so loving her works and finding them in used book stores. It is alway a joy to own a new book and make a new friend in the process.

Grateful

Today I looked at pictures from a church that had been bombed in Baghdad. St George's church, the pastor Cannon Andrew White had come from there to talk to our church and to us a month ago. He prayed for Noah, Noah has not wanted to go back to that building since. I know God had me have Andrew pray for Noah, Noah has been so healthy since then but interestingly won't go back to that building....
I am saddened by the wreck that was done by the bomb. The good that goes on to in that church is wonderful. Health care, dental, all in the name of the Lord. While I sit and am concerned about the dishes that have piled up over 3 days of not having a kitchen sink. I have 3 other sinks mind you. I have a warm house, I have allot, I am not in any fear of any of my places being laid waste. Am I glad of this? Am I thankful? Do I think about all I have and give it away??? Oh Lord I am such a wretch..... Lots of little things have gone wrong. Washing machine, 2 weeks, sink, vacuum cleaner, but what are these things next to having bombs dropped where you live?? Grateful for the place of peace you have given us Lord. May I never take it for granted.

Phew!

They are gone....all the males in this house including the dog are out the door. The dog of course will come back in a few but for now they are all out. Males are a funny breed. I know they think we are too but with their demands and ways and then after you have gone to great lengths to help them they FORGET and badger each other about it.  This is my last teenager and I say Hallelujah  this learning to take care of themselves is hard work. Remembering to tell you the need for $ before they walk out the door, getting up in time to get food for themselves when they want you to do it for them....oh, boy......it is hard on everyone. I especially think of the father who is laughing and making judgments on the child and he does the same things....I do remind him of this after the child has left... the child who will have detention now b/c nobody woke him up....the father who has to deal with the school b/c he wanted the child to go to public school and learn the ropes of life...I am benefiting from this all. I am going to have a nice quiet tea filled morning. It is raining so I can't walk today and I need a break from that as I have been doing 5 miles everyday and I love the results as my oldest says but I don't like the time I have to invest in it. I have loved the life I have lived staying home with my kids. Today the Health Dept came out with a post about t study that says kids with stay at home Moms are healthier...no duh...but as I relax into the quiet I wonder what it would have been like to have them all away during the day...maybe more peaceful but I would not have grown as much. 

Sizzling

The whole kitchen is sizzling with the frying off food. I started to slice potatoes for us and thought of using the electric slicer but then thought it is 6:30 in the morning on a Sunday I think I will keep it quiet. So sausages are frying and potatoes, the tea kettle is on the kitchen is sizzling with joy this Sunday morning.

Lapses

Writing takes time sometimes, there are times it just flows out of me but mostly that is music that does that naturally. I think all the time but to put it into words is sometimes just hard and I should talk not write as my friend Muriel told me about a particularly long e-mail I wrote to her. We have been e-mailing each other almost daily since we lived in Minnesota 8 to 9 years....we have been friends since before Ruth and her daughter Kara were born. They are 1 month apart. We shared the joy of making maternity clothes together, going to  a fabric outlet in Dallas together. So many memories of shared living. That has happened last weekend with me. We went to Jess's to see the grandboy. What a joy it is to see him grow. I met a new women this morning as I was walking around the lake. She and her friend are walking buddies and walk together daily 4 miles which is what I want to get up to. Anyway we talked of being Grandmothers. This quote is from Elizabeth Goudge's book Pilgrim Inn
" I read somewhere, and it is quite true, that to know perfect happiness a woman may be a mother, but must be a grandmother"
It is so true.. as the new friend said you just can't explain it, it is just to full to be told but must be told more b/c I think many may forget that to get to this point one must mother also.
I am enjoying this part of life the grandmothering part but may not be getting it quite right. It is tiring to come and go and that may be the part. I try to cook, and help when I really should just enjoy. It could be the Mary and Martha problem.  Sitting is not in my bones and it could very well be what I need the most.

When do you belive them?

Ruth wanted to bring home a couch from the church. Seems the church has had enough of kids on couches, the ad read, small, teal, leather, couch in good shape. What came home today was a Large blue/green pleather couch in bad condition. She has it in her room and is loving it! So much fun came from it today but they will have to have it hauled off at some later date when she gets some taste. Lyz had something like this with a banana stuffed she saw at a neighbors garage sale. It was as large as she was at 5 and she had 4 whole weeks of allowance and she spent it on that. The kids had more fun with that than almost anything else we ever gave them except maybe the swing set/slide and Sahara in a box. They drug each other around on that banana mostly just before bedtime. They sat on it when we read, they fought over it and mostly Lyz laid on it and read.  So the couch stays b/c it is not in my way. It brings her joy and it will be a source of most fun made of it! I keep thinking they are adults now and can be trusted but really I think it take awhile.

I am alone

I am all alone this morning. Everyone is out the door. This is a great feeling. I have just come away from my dusty piano singing a song my friend Kate woke up thinking of this morning He Leadeth Me what a great old hymn. I love old hymns, I love allot music but old hymns that I have been singing since I was a little girl keep me thinking not only of the words of comfort and truth but where I was when I was first aware of this song. Little, in a dress and gloves, that is how we went to church when I was little, beside others, sining my heart out. I couldn't have even been reading as someone had a finger under the words for me to follow, but I was just belting it out! I always have loved to sing. I think it is going to take a long while for me to not really cherish this alone time. Time to think, sing, dance, alone...It has been years.....

Baby Harry

We went to lunch today after church with baby Harry and his mom and dad or nanny and chauffeur as my husband calls parents. He is a little boy with Downs Syndrome in our church. He turned 2 last Sunday. He is so sweet and reminds us of Noah so much. It is a different road to parent a child with Special Needs. They do things so differently and their needs are such that it seems to others on the outside that you should be "making your child do X" when you know they are just on their own time table and really there is so little we can "make " a child do anyway. Harry reached out for Carl when we were leaving. Carl hardly ever holds another person's child but oh Harry can't be told no and that is a good thing. People with special needs force us to do things we are not always comfortable with but are always glad we did. Carl smiled so big when he held Harry and to Harry's credit he reached out for me to hold him too. He is a sweetie. I do love babies...

Readings

"She passed Joshua Appleby's bookshop with an awed glance for all the books inside, and she thought it must be wonderful and it surprised her that the gentry who were able to read could be bored. Yet they were. What was the matter with them?"  The Dean's Watch by Elizabeth Goudge pg 111

What is the matter with us. Like it or not we are the gentry. We have education, music, books, art, poetry at our finger tips and I must confess I too can be weary. Why is that? Time, not taking the time to let things sink in. Yesterday I saw the wonderful movie Julie, Julia and today I was busy at the market and going here and there. Shopping on Craig's list  and not settling down to remember this wonderful film and it's impact on me. I will see this again with friends and I will be able to see the furnishings and pots and pans. The accouterments of life that surround us and make a statement about who we are. I love to go to peoples home and see how many bookshelves they have and if they are full of books what kind they are! It tells so much about people. The gentry I hang with have lots of books and they read them and discuss them.

Today

I am starting a blog today. It is a need to talk that makes me do this. I talk all the time in my head. I write stories, I sing songs, I paint and draw, I am alive. I have to tell others about it and just e-mailing all my friends daily is getting to be harder to do with all I want to accomplish so I have decided to talk to everyone this way. That way if you want to read me you can if not ok too.
Farmer's Market today in our little town. I just love it. There are the ladies with the best tomatoes, the egg lady, the lady with flowers who today asked if I walked this morning? She noticed me walking? I don't know her but now I do. She walks around the lake every morning too. Maybe someday we will walk together. Then I cruise the non talkative people. There is the older man who has had really good melons. I walked by him today but came back and bought small potatoes. I usually walk by all the cakes and breads as I can make those myself but today I bought white bread cinnamon rolls. Yum they were good. Tempted to buy Okra but couldn't remember the recipe I was told and so thought that I'd better wait until next week.
I came home with cantaloupe, eggs, potatoes,tomatoes,green peppers and of course wonderful flowers. Now on to Wal-Mart. Just not the same experience.